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Monday, April 16, 2012

Online Dating


Okay, I am considering online dating.  I've never done it before and not quite sure how I feel about it.  I'm definitely not against it, but I was never really in a place where I wanted to do it or was ready to.  Now that I've lost a significant amount of weight and I'm starting to feel more confident, I'm thinking about it.

To me the dating process is just painful, I would rather just skip past all that and find the person that I'm going to marry.  Unfortunately, I know it doesn't work that way.  I know that God has the right person out there for me and I'm confident that he'll come along in the right timing, but maybe this is how I will find him?  I really go back and forth about it.  I think if nothing else, it will be good for me to just get out there and talk to guys more.  I'm not looking to just date around, I really want to find a husband and I'm definitely not looking to just hook-up.

I'm 31 and I am really ready to get married and have a family.  I think in a lot of ways I've let my weight hold me back from meeting guys and I've probably had a giant wall up to protect myself.  But, I've been learning more about me and I definitely feel more confident in myself and what I want (and don't want) in a spouse.

It's been hard because I'm not exactly sure where someone my age meets guys.  I work at home, so work is out.  I'm very involved in my church and would LOVE to meet a guy there, but that hasn't happened.  I don't really hang out at bars or clubs and when I hang out with friends, I'm there to be with them and not meet people.  I go to the gym 3 times a week, but it is a community center and I live in a suburb where there aren't many single people.  So the only other thing I can think of is online dating.

How would you handle telling or not telling about your weight loss?  My blog is on my Facebook so I'm pretty much an open book, but I'm not sure if that's something you talk about on your profile?  But it is pretty much my main hobby and takes up almost all me free time!

So with all that said, I need your advice.  What has been your experience with online dating?  I want to hear the good, bad and ugly.  What are the best sites to use?  What kind of tips to do you have for me?


18 comments:

  1. One of my friends got to 37 and realised that if she wanted to have children she needed to find their father soon! Just like you, she had not run into Mr Perfect at work, with friends, while travelling etc, so she decided the net might be worth a shot. She found him, they have been married for 5 or 6 years and have two children. There are lots of horror stories, but also lots of very happy ones about internet dating. Selecting the right site seems to be important, and make sure you have clear criteria before you start - treat it like recruiting for a job, and stick to the decision criteria so that you filter out the unsuitable ones! Good luck, hope he's waiting for you!

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  2. I have had good experiences with online dating... I usually dont talk about my weight loss on my profile but if it gets serious then I would tell them.

    Good luck.

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  3. My online dating started about 9 years ago and ended with a husband and 3 children! HOWEVER....I will admit, I was skeptical, and I talked to my now husband for almost two months over the computer/phone/web cam before I actually went on a date with him. I found that most guys who wanted to meet right away really just wanted to hook up; Jim and I were looking for the big pay-off and it certainly worked! Best of luck to you!

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  4. I met my husband online, and I have several friends who have met their spouses online. Just be yourself in your profile--if you want to mention about your weight loss, maybe you can talk about how you enjoy exercise and healthy eating? Then if a guy asks, you can talk about your weight loss journey. OR, just go ahead and full on talk about in your profile and maybe you'll meet a guy who's in the same place as you :)just BE YOURSELF.

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  5. I never done online dating so I don't have any practical advice to offer. However, I can offer a ton of support. You should sooooo do this! Andrea - you are an amazing, warm & caring woman. I think dates - even bad ones - can help a ton to find the right one. Good luck!

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  6. <3 Mike and I met online. By the time I had met him, I had given up on dating, I had no intentions of meeting him we just kept emailing back and forth for quite some time. I finally gave in and went out with him and haven't looked back. I would suggest going with a site that you pay for, like eHarmony. At least you know you are weeding out some of them that are just looking for a piece. Dating online or dating people you get set up with is equally horrible. I could write a book on the horrifying dates that I went on, but I would have never met my husband if I hadn't have gone through with it. Also, I would suggest to go out right now and buy yourself a book called Why Men Marry Bitches. I wish someone would have given it to me when I was a teenager!

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  7. I met my boyfriend of five years on Myspace...back when it was popular. I'd never met someone in person who I'd met on the internet, so it was weird at first, but obviously we got past that. I think I would use a dating site. My mom is on plenty of fish, which is free, but there are a bunch of creepy guys on there (at least in our area). She has made a few friends from the site though. It's worth a shot. I say go for it. You deserve to be happy!

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  8. I don't have any personal experience but I have two friends that are now happily married with children as a result of online dating! I say try it :)

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  9. I met my hubby online and we have been married two and a half years! We are expecting our first little one soon :) I had posted something that was more of a rant on how guys suck and I wasn't going to date anymore, yada yada. Then he responded. We talked online for two months, then text, then phone, and finally we met. I was nervous to meet him in real life (what if he was an old man!?) but God turned it all for the best!! My only advice is be careful!! Literally and spiritually! Literally, meaning don't meet too soon, take someone with yOu, etc. spiritually meaning pray about it, praying about dating online and wait for His answer.
    I am so excited for you!! YOu better keep us filled in!!

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  10. It sounds like a lot of people are replying with positive stories but none have mentioned what actual website they went to! Except eHARMONY. I will admit back in the day when I first got divorced I attempted online dating at Christian Cafe, Eharmony and Plenty of Fish. But since I have kids and they were little I quickly realized it just wasn't worth the risk to me at the time. And I wasn't in the mindset to weed out the people who were just looking for something casual vs the serious ones. However, I think you are at the perfect age for what many men who are serious about settling down are looking for. AND you're awesome! So why not. I think the most important thing to post is a realistic picture with a full body shot and then be prepared that a lot of people including men won't do that lol !! They'll say this is what I looked like in 2008!. And I think it's ok to wait until time goes on before you get into the nitty gritty about your weight loss. But you should do what makes you feel comfortable and be careful :) Good luck!!

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  11. I too met my hubby on a dating web site! I think we used Yahoo personals, but there are way better sites available these days. I suggest using a site that requires a paid membership since the free ones attract unsavory characters.
    I remember in my profile I made it very clear that I was looking for a long term, serious relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage. I'm sure that scared some people away, but that's exactly what I wanted!
    I also had a 'no physical contact' rule that I was clear about. I didn't want anyone thinking they could kiss me on the first date! That's just gross to share that much intimacy with someone you barely know.
    I say give it a shot, and best of luck!
    OH, and of course always meet in a public place during day light hours!

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  12. I agree with all the good advice you are getting here. I think it is a great idea. I know you are looking for "the one", but don't be afraid to kiss a couple of frogs before you meet your prince. And no, I don't mean the kissing literally. What I mean is, don't be afraid to give some guy who isn't your ideal a chance. It will give you some dating experience, and hey he might turn out to be Mr. Perfect for you after all. I know your faith is big for you, and as someone mentioned I believe there are Christian dating sites. Good luck, and be safe!

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  13. My hubby and i met on match.com. i met a lot of jerks and a few nice guys before i found him! We were both divorced with kids and really its hard to meet people once you're past the college stage! I think honesty is the best policy, but without throwing everything out there.... you recently lost weight and are enjoying exercise.... but leave the wls until after you've met? Just my opinion.... eharmony and match.comare both decent sites. Definately do one you pay for..... weeds out some of the rifff-rafff! Good luck!

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  14. I met Jake on a church dating website! I had fun dating lots of different guys! Go for it! Be yourself and have fun with it!!

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  15. Andrea I think this is a great idea! I have been trying to convince one of my best friends to consider this, but she firmly refuses :o( I know it is a personal preference, but I still wish she would. Have fun!!!!

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  16. Go for it! :) I tried Match for a while, but wasn't in a good place myself. Wasn't the websites fault.

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  17. Go for it! I have a lot of girlfriends who date onine and even found people that ended up with for the long haul. Try e-harmony - Have fun!

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