Friday, March 2, 2012
Fear and Comparison
For as long as I can remember, I've been afraid of what other people think of me. I always wanted to seem like I had it all together and everything was perfect. I let caring about what other people think of me put me in a prison. My thoughts were constantly on what I would do or not do and how others would perceive me. Even something as silly as posting things on Facebook, I would second guess myself thinking what others might think and then just never post anything. I know, it's crazy, but I did!
Over the past several years when I gained so much weight, I stopped hanging out with my friends as much. At the time I didn't realize what I was doing. I was so embarrassed of how much weight I had gained that I pulled away from hanging out with a lot of people. I didn't want people to judge me or think down on me, so I didn't go out as much.
The Lord has really been doing a work on my heart over the last year. I'm finally realizing that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me, it only matters what God thinks. When you can really let go and not let yourself care what others think of you, it is extremely freeing. I can truly be who I am and not who I want others to perceive me as.
There is always going to be someone better at something than you, prettier that you are, have nicer things than you do, or lose weight faster than you. We have to stop comparing ourselves to others and be content with how God made us and accept who we are. Each of us are so valuable and bring something different to the table. We are all on our own journey.
When I first started this blog, I did it for myself. I wanted a place to record my weight loss journey. Along the way, I found all these amazing people who want to read my blog. The only problem was that once I realized that other people cared what I had to say and were interested in my journey, I found myself starting to slip back into my old patterns of what other people would think. I found myself censoring what I said or maybe not posting about certain things because I thought people would only want to hear about my weight loss and not other parts of my life. But I have to remember that this blog is for me! It's for my thought and for my experiences. I am thrilled that others want to read it or care about me or what I have to say, but ultimately it's for me.
A couple of days ago, I decided to post my blog on Facebook. I was a little nervous to do it because I feel like my struggle with weight is so personal, but I felt like I really wanted and needed to do it. I want to be completely open and honest about where I am and what I'm struggling with. I want to let my family and friends in on what is going on in my life. Over the past 2 days, I have received so many encouraging comments and emails! I am overwhelmed by all of the support. I have not received one negative comment, but even if I had, it wouldn't have mattered. I don't think everyone has to share their blog or tell people what's going on in their life, but for me I realized that I was not doing it out of fear of what people might think of me and not for legitimate reasons. So many people can relate and struggle with their weight. I have people in my life that care for me and want to cheer on my successes and if they don't, then they probably don't need to be in my life anyway.
Through my weight loss journey, there have been so many positive changes (other than the physical ones) that have occurred in my life, I'm thankful for all my friends and family and all of your support and encouragement. I hope that I can inspire people and provide encouragement to others as well. I'm still constantly learning about myself, but I'm excited to be on a path to a better version of myself and I can't wait to see where else it takes me!