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Friday, March 2, 2012

Fear and Comparison


For as long as I can remember, I've been afraid of what other people think of me.  I always wanted to seem like I had it all together and everything was perfect.  I let caring about what other people think of me put me in a prison.  My thoughts were constantly on what I would do or not do and how others would perceive me.  Even something as silly as posting things on Facebook, I would second guess myself thinking what others might think and then just never post anything.  I know, it's crazy, but I did!

Over the past several years when I gained so much weight, I stopped hanging out with my friends as much.  At the time I didn't realize what I was doing.  I was so embarrassed of how much weight I had gained that I pulled away from hanging out with a lot of people.  I didn't want people to judge me or think down on me, so I didn't go out as much.

The Lord has really been doing a work on my heart over the last year.  I'm finally realizing that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me, it only matters what God thinks.  When you can really let go and not let yourself care what others think of you, it is extremely freeing.  I can truly be who I am and not who I want others to perceive me as.

There is always going to be someone better at something than you, prettier that you are, have nicer things than you do, or lose weight faster than you.  We have to stop comparing ourselves to others and be content with how God made us and accept who we are.  Each of us are so valuable and bring something different to the table.  We are all on our own journey.



When I first started this blog, I did it for myself.  I wanted a place to record my weight loss journey.  Along the way, I found all these amazing people who want to read my blog.  The only problem was that once I realized that other people cared what I had to say and were interested in my journey, I found myself starting to slip back into my old patterns of what other people would think.  I found myself censoring what I said or maybe not posting about certain things because I thought people would only want to hear about my weight loss and not other parts of my life.  But I have to remember that this blog is for me!  It's for my thought and for my experiences.  I am thrilled that others want to read it or care about me or what I have to say, but ultimately it's for me.

A couple of days ago, I decided to post my blog on Facebook.  I was a little nervous to do it because I feel like my struggle with weight is so personal, but I felt like I really wanted and needed to do it.  I want to be completely open and honest about where I am and what I'm struggling with.  I want to let my family and friends in on what is going on in my life.  Over the past 2 days, I have received so many encouraging comments and emails!  I am overwhelmed by all of the support.  I have not received one negative comment, but even if I had, it wouldn't have mattered.  I don't think everyone has to share their blog or tell people what's going on in their life, but for me I realized that I was not doing it out of fear of what people might think of me and not for legitimate reasons.  So many people can relate and struggle with their weight.  I have people in my life that care for me and want to cheer on my successes and if they don't, then they probably don't need to be in my life anyway.

Through my weight loss journey, there have been so many positive changes (other than the physical ones) that have occurred in my life,  I'm thankful for all my friends and family and all of your support and encouragement.  I hope that I can inspire people and provide encouragement to others as well.  I'm still constantly learning about myself, but I'm excited to be on a path to a better version of myself and I can't wait to see where else it takes me!



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20 comments:

  1. Wow, I applaud you for having the courage to post your blog on Facebook! I checked it out, and I love all the positive comments you've received. Not many people outside of this blogging community know about my blog, but I hope that one day I will also have the courage to quit worrying about what people think.

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  2. You've come such a long way! I would NEVER feel comfortable posting my blog to facebook. I have too many facebook "friends" that just aren't really friends. Typing that made me realize how dumb that is. Anyway, good for you! :)

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  3. I know all too well the feeling you speak of! I am the same way. Perception is reality, and I constantly try to manipulate other's perception of me. And it's exhausting. I hope one day I can let go and let God the way you have, it has to be such a peaceful, comforting feeling I bet.

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  4. Wow, I found myself nodding through this entire post. I do allow my actions and thoughts to be driven by what others will think of me. It has gotten easier with my weight loss, but it's still there. I still won't post on FB about certain things because I don't want people to have a chance to tease or harrass me about some things.

    Interesting, I need to start working on living for me, and not what others think of me. Thanks for this thought provoking post.

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  5. WOW! Great post! I hear you and am right there with you! I can't post my blog to my FB yet. I have to many "friends" that I'm just not sure about, even rellies that I'm just not sure about. Especially in-laws! I will get there some time,but not quite yet. You keep going!

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  6. What a great post! I am very guilty of letting thoughts of what others will think dictate what I do and how I do it. I haven't gotten to the point where I'm completely open about my band and would never consider posting my blog on FB but I'm working towards being more comfortable with myself and that's certainly a step in the right direction!!

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  7. LOVE THIS POST! You said it, only thing that matters is GOD. Not anyone else judging you or your struggles. We all have something we're struggling with. Its so hard to not allow what others think of us, bother us. But it happens. I have my moments and I even admit I've censored myself more and more over the past few years. Not because of weight... more so because I want people to know I'm a better person now. I had a lot of judgements against me besides weight... family not having much money (or thinking because I'm white, they do), having children out of wedlock, having my first child at 19, etc. etc. Sorry for blogging on your comment... LOL. But thats just some of my own thoughts on it..... I want to be totally freed of worrying about others.

    I appreciate this post!

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  8. I completely understand that and you are right, once you realize it and work on it, it is so freeing. Being secure with ourselves is part of the healing.

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  9. wonderful post, andrea :) There's so much more to this surgery than the scale! You are beautiful and smart and have already conquered such a huge mountain in your life. <3

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  10. Great post Andrea, I hope to be able to have the courage to do that someday!

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  11. This is truly an amazing post, and I need to really re-read it later and think on it, cause I know it can definitely apply to me as well! So glad you have decided to be you, cause that is who we love. I love reading all you have to say, weight related and not.

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  12. How deep and thought provoking. I totally agree with what just a wall flower said; it's something to ponder and come back to.

    Glad everyone was so supportive.

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  13. Good for you Andrea...what great intraspection and so very true on so many levels...applicable to my life as well on various aspects and definately a challenge to truely put yourself out there...very brave of you to put it out there on FB...WOW!! Inspirering for sure...

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  14. How courageous of you to just put all that out there. Really, I would have never guessed that you felt that way...you come across as confident and secure to me, and you have every reason to be confident and secure. Great post :)

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  15. Great post. I loved it. I recently found out people from work were reading my blog. At first a gulped, then I figured, what the heck, they'll just know me better.

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  16. You are an amazing person. Period. That is all I can say. ((((HUGS)))))

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  17. Thanks for sharing such deep thoughts. That is truly a step in the right direction for being true to yourself!

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  18. I identify SO MUCH with what you have written. I discovered the same thing about myself and it took me two years to get to a healthy point of view. I still struggle with it, but it no longer owns me.

    You are a beautiful person and if someone doesn't see that, it is their loss. I look forward to reading your true and unfettered feelings. Those are ALWAYS the most inspiring! Keep at it!

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  19. Sorry this is so late, and I think you're on your no internet week, but I wanted to comment anyway. I saw on FB when you started posting your blog info and I'm so proud of you!!! I knew you wouldn't regret it!
    And I've always struggled with what people think of me too. All the time! But so glad you could put yourself out there!!! You go girl!!

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